To be honest with you I don’t recall all that happened, I remember most of it… well that’s what I like to tell myself. To not remember would be absurd right, I mean how can you say and do something and not recall at all. A black out maybe? Auto pilot usually occurs when one is intoxicated but I was not.

I was so eager and pressured to flip the coin that I had overlooked the beauty of the struggle.

The breaking point for me was during my 1^st year in Cape Peninsula University. I was determined to break the cycle not only for myself but for my community at large. The pressure was bearable however the lack of necessities such printing bytes, binding money and all that was required by the institution sparked my innovation.

I started with my first business which was gardening and landscape, I was a student by day and a garden boy in the evenings and weekends. The demand was high, and the team grew up to four. Everything was going well until my realization of lack of platforms in community. As a creative I was frustrated that we have all these talents and no growth.

To add to the handful things I was doing I went ahead and approached a team of very talented  creatives in the Kayamandi community, what you may call a pre mature decision as I was only doing my first year.

Everything was going well but I was not coping, I tried juggling all of these but the pressure was too much for me to handle on my own. I starved my self of sleep, binged on energy drinks and before I knew I had an incomplete metamorphosis.

My mental health was jeopardized because of the pressure I had put on myself. I could not sleep nor was I functional. A week before my exams I was admitted to Stellenbosch because I was threat to myself, and my brain was restless. I spent over 3 weeks under strict supervision from the doctors. I won’t lie I don’t remember much cause I was sedated half the time.

Eventually I was discharged at Hospital, I recall wishing I stop breathing or relocate anything but to face my reality. I felt like the marrow of life had been sucked out of my life. Academically I needed a miracle business wise I had sunk and the anti-depressants were taking its toll. I spent months scared to try again, my confidence was at its lowest, so I ostracized myself and kept everything to myself.

With a strong support system I eventually broke out of my cocoon and felt the need to live again.

 

If you have read this far you are probably asking yourself what is the point that I am trying to get across. And the answer is simple, I would love to encourage you to challenge your perspective on mental health. Be kind to yourself and others. A simple “Would you like to talk about” “Are you sure you are okay” goes a long way therefore be kind. We live in a world of immerse pressure but the most dangerous is pressure from within.

Thank you for reading may you continue taking care of yourself wholistically. Not forgetting your mental health. Happy mental awareness month.