To be
honest with you I don’t recall all that happened, I remember most of it… well
that’s what I like to tell myself. To not remember would be absurd right, I
mean how can you say and do something and not recall at all. A black out maybe?
Auto pilot usually occurs when one is intoxicated but I was not.
I was so
eager and pressured to flip the coin that I had overlooked the beauty of the
struggle.
The
breaking point for me was during my 1st year in Cape Peninsula
University. I was determined to break the cycle not only for myself but for my
community at large. The pressure was bearable however the lack of necessities such
printing bytes, binding money and all that was required by the institution
sparked my innovation.
I started
with my first business which was gardening and landscape, I was a student by
day and a garden boy in the evenings and weekends. The demand was high, and the
team grew up to four. Everything was going well until my realization of lack of
platforms in community. As a creative I was frustrated that we have all these
talents and no growth.
To add to the
handful things I was doing I went ahead and approached a team of very talented creatives in the Kayamandi community, what you
may call a pre mature decision as I was only doing my first year.
Everything
was going well but I was not coping, I tried juggling all of these but the
pressure was too much for me to handle on my own. I starved my self of sleep,
binged on energy drinks and before I knew I had an incomplete metamorphosis.
My mental
health was jeopardized because of the pressure I had put on myself. I could not
sleep nor was I functional. A week before my exams I was admitted to Stellenbosch
because I was threat to myself, and my brain was restless. I spent over 3 weeks
under strict supervision from the doctors. I won’t lie I don’t remember much
cause I was sedated half the time.
Eventually
I was discharged at Hospital, I recall wishing I stop breathing or relocate
anything but to face my reality. I felt like the marrow of life had been sucked
out of my life. Academically I needed a miracle business wise I had sunk and
the anti-depressants were taking its toll. I spent months scared to try again,
my confidence was at its lowest, so I ostracized myself and kept everything to
myself.
With a
strong support system I eventually broke out of my cocoon and felt the need to
live again.
If you have
read this far you are probably asking yourself what is the point that I am trying
to get across. And the answer is simple, I would love to encourage you to
challenge your perspective on mental health. Be kind to yourself and others. A simple
“Would you like to talk about” “Are you sure you are okay” goes a long way
therefore be kind. We live in a world of immerse pressure but the most
dangerous is pressure from within.
Thank you
for reading may you continue taking care of yourself wholistically. Not forgetting
your mental health. Happy mental awareness month.
