Cyclical Nature

Ever felt like sometimes you take 10 steps forward then 8 back?

As cliché as it may sound, that’s my conclusion for my 3 months’ progress report.

This morning when I woke up (Thank God I don’t rely only on my alarm to wake me up) I checked the time on my watch, I realized it was way after the time I set for my alarm. To my surprise I hurriedly stood up, checked my phone under the blankets not there, it probably fell over, let me pull the bed it might be under it. No sign of the phone.

I proceed to prepare for the day hoping I will find it before I leave for work (because… some know what music deficiency does to me).  I notice that my curtain was fiddled with, I take notice but not give any attention. As I step outside to go kiss my morning star Culolethu (niece) before I go to work I see two planks one white and the other brown. I am fascinated how beautiful they look at first glance, my mind subliminally connects the dots and I am left starring at the window. Optimum confusion! Body too stiff, too stifled and my mouth to bitter to kiss such innocent soul.

After a long crazy hectic week, the ideal way to rejuvenate for the likes of me is to deal with my own craziness. How is one supposed to go about doing so, when all the contacts, saved articles, proprietary information and months of research etc. are lost over night.

As demoralizing as it may sound, the only choice is to start from scratch and re build.

I always advise and preach to my circle to always keep resilience at their core, however I can’t help feeling pissed off and disheartened. I am not one to let obstacles get in my way but being human is getting the best of me.

So here I am! Phoneless once again. How does one trust someone who always makes excuses when they have to deliver? How do you explain why you did not deliver? How do you start something you have already finished? How do revert to ignorant premature conclusions? How do you remain sane surrounded by sanity? How do you fly when every corner you pass there is someone ready to clip your wings? How do you compete when you are considered incompetent? How do you win when you are racing carrying a bag full of friction?

-Monde Ntoyanto